To seek medical counsel or not to seek medical counsel..that is the etc.

You know, I haven't heard from a cancer doctor in six months. Not that I expected to necessarily - I'm just wondering if Dr Urba might want a check in soon. I suppose I could call his office. Or not. I don't think I really need to see anyone. I don't really want to see anyone.

Oy. It would be so great not to have to worry about this.

Cancer "Survivor"

I don't care for this term. Surely we'll only know if I've survived cancer once I've died of something else.

Activia, The Following Month

I think it (the Activia) worked in spite of my best efforts (stress, late nights, bad diet, liquor etc.) Thanks Jamie Lee. You can keep my money.

Activia, Day 7

Am giving Activia (with "bifidus regularis" - which is so made up, by the way) a run for its money. If my digestive system isn't regulated within 14 days, Jamie Lee Curtis has to give me my money back. So far, so....OK. I'll have a full report next Saturday (September 11.)

Tribute

My dear friend Melissa Peterson lost the fight with lung cancer a few weeks ago. It is a tragedy without equal that someone so young, so vivacious, so kind - one of the world's truly good people - should be taken away from us so soon. I am very grateful that I was able to share in parts of her life.

I first met Melissa when I moved almost literally overnight back to Portland from Seattle to manage the Portland office of Cole & Weber. The previous managing director had been taken out the back and shot (figuratively speaking) leaving an office in disarray with angry clients and disgruntled staff. Melissa's was the first and most welcoming face that I saw on my arrival. It became very clear very soon that she was loved by all and her influence was most steadying at a turbulent time. I will never forget her generosity of spirit, our shared enthusiasm for wine and her handiness with pasta.

She left C&W not that long after, and continued her life's adventure in Amsterdam and then in Seattle. We rekindled our friendship in 2008 under even more trying circumstances. At that time we'd both been diagnosed with cancer. My stage 2 invasive ductal carcinoma seemed petty and nominal compared with her stage 4, metastatic lung disease. We underwent chemotherapy at the same time and she became a huge support to me as we compared symptoms and palliative therapies via email. She even sent me some, frankly, ugly but functional hats to shield my bald head against the elements.

We reunited in person that fall at a party to celebrate the end of chemo, I think. Maybe it was just celebrating for celebrating's sake - something at which she was very good. She had no qualms about tearing off her wig when she got too hot. It took some coaxing for me to get out of my turban but after a few beverages, I "unwound" and proudly showcased the old pate not only at the party but around the streets of Seattle.

I felt bad that, with treatment over, I could have my port removed and look forward to some semblance of normalcy in life. Although it went unsaid, we both knew hers was never coming out.

I met up with her at a wedding in the fall of 2009. She looked good and danced fiercely, promising to get my "lovely" husband (her word - although he is lovely) and I up to Seattle to sail on her new boat.

Unfortunately that was never to be. Things took a turn for her early this year and after one last sailing adventure, she headed to the hospital to wrap things up, surrounded by close friends, her parents, her loving (and lovely) husband and her adorable daughter.

I shall miss her terribly.

No lung cancer. But now, maybe, bowel cancer.....

Probably not. But my primary care provider's first reaction to my complaint about some digestive issues was to order a CT scan. It is interesting that everyone's immediate concern about any pain or irregularity is that "it" may be back. I'm taking a more relaxed approach. Let's rule out the more routine causes of bowel trouble before looking for something more extreme. My bad eating habits perhaps. Or maybe stress.

And, yes, the first CT scan on my chest showed up nothing.

CT scans, by the way, are f'ing expensive.

Out Out, Damn Spot

So my mammograms were fine and my bloodwork is fine, but the chest X-ray showed a tiny spot on my right lung that Dr Lim thinks we should check out further. To that end, I have a CT scan today.

I have mixed feelings about this. In sane moments I can't believe for a minute that I can have developed a new cancer or that an old cancer could have spread given the treatment I've had over the last two years. Statistically it's very unlikely. It makes more sense that this is just a shadow on the X-ray or (per Dr. Lim) some kind of pulmonary nodule to which frequent fliers are prone. And, as my friend Amye pointed out, if everyone got checked up as often as I do, they'd probably all find mysterious lumps and bumps.

But at my lowest (typically late at night) I start mentally planning for the worst.

Stressful.

Very random observation:

My right breast can withstand 12lbs of pressure. That's a lot. The left, lumpectomied one? Not so much.

Let me get my hands on your mammary glands...

...a line, of course, from The Smith's song: Handsome Devil. And a weird one to be going through my head as I had my annual diagnostic mammograms today. Nothing much to report other than there's been no updates to Providence's absurdly small changing area since last year. But the ladies of Diagnostic Imaging were as lovely as ever. And the films showed nothing to worry about. Mind you, they showed nothing when I had a 2.1cm malignant tumor but I really can't feel anything unusual and it would be very unlucky less than two years after treatment.

And let me get your head on the conjugal bed. I say, I say, I say....

She came from Greece, she had a thirst for knowledge..

The title of this blog post is, of course, the first line from the song "Common People" by Pulp. It played over and over in my head throughout my recent two-week sojourn on the island of Rhodes. I think I was mentally rehearsing in case I had to perform Karaoke. My sister and brother-in-law (who live there) are avid fans of the "sport." Luckily for me, I managed to avoid this humiliation.

And I got through the whole two weeks without any kind of health issue (other than some wine-induced indigestion.) In fact many in our party (and there were many - we were there for a wedding) came down with a nasty cold.

Vitamin D, I tell you.

Now I'm back I have a lot of health stuff to catch up on. No one has contacted me for my annual mammogram so, as usual, I have to chase down some preventive health care. That's cool. I am, as I've always said, my own best health advocate.

Birthday

And so, it was on this day 45 years ago, that Rebecca Mary Armstrong was born in a maternity hospital in Tunbridge Wells, England.

Not much is known about Armstrong's early years. Reportedly she didn't learn to walk until she was two years old, causing her maternal grandmother, Doris, to exclaim, "There's something wrong with that child." She was, however, an early talker, able to conduct articulate and rigorous debate well before the age of two. And, anyway, why walk when you can ask people to do stuff for you.

15 years later, Mount St Helens erupted.

Random thoughts on the eve of turning 45

God, I'm tired.

Why is my husband watching a period chick flick starring Jessica Lange?

I do like Brussels sprouts.

But they're so expensive out of season.

It's annoying that my health insurance will only allow for a prescription refill every 30 days.

My dogs are funny.

How cancer saved my life.

Well, in truth, I guess its too early to say. But I haven't smoked a cigarette in two years, I've rectified my vitamin D deficiency, I'm on blood pressure medication, I make a concerted effort to eat more healthily and I pay better attention to lumps, bumps, fatigue and random pains - all as a result of a cancer diagnosis.

Maybe this will pay off in the end?

Coming Soon...

I'm being encouraged to pick this up again by recently diagnosed friends who'd like to know more about recovery from treatment as well as treatment. So, expect more insights, observations and bon mots from me soon.